Is it just me or has the spirit of grief felt heavy lately? It seems like every time I look up somebody else has lost a loved one. Holidays can quickly shift from fun childhood memories to feelings of isolation and sadness. But we somehow muster up the strength to show up for the people in our lives who need us like our children, our spouses or our loved ones that are still here. Just do me a favor and don’t forget to show up for yourself. Process your feelings and if you’ve lost someone recently or in the past, do yourself a favor write them a letter.
Today is my mom’s birthday, and I miss her. I’ve wanted to talk to her and I can’t. So I wrote to her instead.
There’s been so much that I wish I could share with you — like how your only grandson has transitioned from baseball to the trumpet. Or how it’s all because of you that he’s an advanced writer. His teacher said that he writes like an adult. That’s all you. I wish I could tell you about the milestones in my life. About how I had the courage to quit my job to chase my purpose because I watched you work two jobs while in school to pursue your dream. I wish you were around for me to share my parenting frustrations and joys with. I wish you could see how my relationship with Dan reminds me of ours when I was his age. The good and the bad. I wish you could see the way he reacts to the gifts I give and I wish you could see how he still loves to hide and scare the mess out of all of us. Or how we still pray for you at night. Or how he took over your phone line, and we have yet to change your number or the voicemail with your voice on it three years later.
It’s been a long time since I’ve cried this much at the thought of you and I think it’s because it’s been such a good year for me. I have accomplished a lot, and I have so much to be grateful for. And I know that everything I am is because of every sacrifice you made for me.
You were a gift of laughter and joy to so many people, and I genuinely believe that’s why you were born on Christmas Eve. Dan hung the ornament he made in honor of you on our tree again this year. It’s the only ornament with a note and a feather attached. We don’t do a star or a bow anymore because you are enough. We’ll just keep placing you right at the top of our tree and our hearts forever.
From my heart to your spirit,